Evolution, Brain Chemistry, and the Stages of Love

Posted | 5 comments

brain in love 1

Chemical Love Is a Real Thing…
But Not the Whole Thing

It turns out, that the powerful and intoxicating brain chemicals that make us crazy-in-love, serve another purpose as well — they are actually bonding agents. They help two people make long-term attachments, one to another.

From a brain-evolution perspective, it turns out that the story many women tell: “all men want is to get laid” isn’t the whole picture.

Have a listen,



  1. Doug –

    Some questions:

    -Is there a way to fight the way the brain works during “mania?” For instance, realizing chocolate won’t get you what you truly want? How do you keep mania in check?
    -Is teenagers wanting to have sex and not care about furthering the relationship a new fad or has it been around for generations?
    -Has pre-marital (casual) sex risen because of things like contraception, or has contraception been introduced to combat a rise in pre-marital sex?
    -If chemicals are released during orgasm that make us want to stay with our partner, then why are people not in long-term relationships (does this have to do with the media)…why don’t we move forward in the relationships that the chemicals tell us to?

    • great questions. let me take a stab at a couple…

      1. i don’t think we have to fight against mania. it’s part of chemical love, and it is a precious and wonderful part of the human experience. we just need to see it for what it is, a part of the sexual journey, not the whole things. we want to give the other parts, the same attention we give it.

      2. chemical bonding around orgasms is a part of how our brains work. but so is stopping eating when we’ve had enough. our bodies have mechanisms for health and well-being built in. but we don’t always honor or work with them.

  2. Chemical love is like a cup of coffee in the morning. But the rest of the day carries us through out the day.

  3. Chemical love is like the first cup of coffee in the morning but everything else we experience carries us throughout the day

    • what a great metaphor, david! i laughed.